On the edge..ready to jump in.

So this is my first time blogging...ever. Shelli gave me the idea today and I really like it. I think it is really important for us human beings to share our experiences. Be honest and up front about life's challenges.

My challenge is breast cancer.

Diagnosed with DCIS in February of 2009, I already knew. The initial diagnosis was hopeful almost light hearted. I was scared about the possibility of surgery, but was assured that it looked like DCIS (stage 0) was all that was there. "There is always a chance that invasive cancer will be found, but highly unlikely" the doctor told me.
In April of 2009 I said goodbye to both of my small and humble breasts. Surgery down in California went very well. No major complications and felt better in a few days. Mostly because of my wonderful friends & family who came down to UCLA to support me during my 2 weeks stay.

Pathology results came back after the tissue was further disected. They had found 2 small areas of invasive cancer. Small but as you may know, once invasive,..still dangerous. My surgical oncologist assured me I would "most likely" not need chemo. Tamoxafin maybe,..but chemo didn't seem to be needed.

So here I am, August 27th. Waiting for my first chemo treatment next week. I hooked up with a great oncologist, Julie Gralow at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Really like and trust her. After reviewing my case and running the invasive cancer through more testing we found the risk of metastatic reoccurance to be too high. With Tamoxafin partnered with 8 rounds of chemo my risk of metastatic cancer (= death) in 10 years decreases to about 5-8%. I'll take that risk and deal with being sick, losing my hair and normal life for 4-5 months to gain 40 more years of life.

After making this decision yesterday I felt alone. Scared and a little lost. Left SCCA sobbing. Trying not to make a scene as I walked past the other patients in the waiting area. After all I have to be strong. If not for me, than for others. Sometimes cancer just sucks. And there is no other way to look at it. I didn't choose this. I don't want to deal with it. I just have to.
I started thinking,..how am I going to continue working in the salon? I will have NO HAIR. I will not be wearing a wig. It is a choice that is great for some, just not for me. So how is this going to work?

O.K., getting a little distracted by the "dance your ass off" tv ad.

Then a call from my dear friend Shelli. I started to cry. Which I did not want to do on the phone. But couldn't help feeling like I could just be weak on the phone with her. She tells me "We're gonna get through this".. First step to not feeling alone. I have a great partner, Cooper. He has been so supportive. But in a sense I feel guilty for putting so much pressure on him over the last year. He carries alot of the burden for our family. Knowing that you have friends who love and support you on this journey has helped myself and my family more than I could explain in words.

Then I spoke to a few other friends, my Dad and Mom. By the end of the day yesterday I felt o.k. Yup..I am o.k. But I can honestly say that without the support of loved ones,..this would be a very difficult endeavor. Now..I am really ready to fight like a girl. Kick cancer's ass. And move on in 2010 with my beautiful and full life.

Much love to my friends, family and to my SEVEN family. This organization that I work for is unbelievable in so many ways. I am so blessed to be a part of it.

Love, Love, Love!!!